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Kings and Queens

Kings And Queens by 30 Seconds To Mars

Into the night
Desperate and broken
The sound of a fight
Father has spoken

We were the Kings and Queens of promise
We were the phantoms of ourselves
Maybe the Children of a Lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
Heaven and Hell

Into your lives
Hopeless and Taken
We stole our new lives
Through blood and pain
In defense of our dreams
In defense of our dreams

We were the Kings and Queens of promise
We were the Phantoms of ourselves
Maybe the Children of a Lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
Heaven and Hell

The age of man is over
A darkness comes and all
These lessons that we learned here
Have only just begun

We were the Kings and Queens of promise
We were the Phantoms of ourselves
Maybe the Children of a Lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell

We are the Kings
We are the Queens
We are the Kings
We are the Queens

Russian Roulette by Rihanna
Take a breath, take it deep
“Calm yourself,” he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take the gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says, “Close your eyes, sometimes it helps”
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

And you can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late to think of the value of my life

And you can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test

You can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Belle Of The Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional

Down in a local bar out on the Boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It’s a long way down, it’s a long way

Back like you never broke, you tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg and thinks he’s getting close
For now you let him
Just this once, just for now, and just like that it’s over

Don’t turn away, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid, but keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the Belle of the Boulevard

In all your silver rings, in all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
It’s a long way down, it’s a long way

Back here you never lost, you shake the shivers off
You take a drink to get your courage up
Can you believe it?
Just this once, just for now, and just like that it’s over

Don’t turn away, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid, oh keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the Belle of the Boulevard

Please hold on, it’s alright
Please hold on, it’s alright
Please hold on

Down in a local bar out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

Don’t turn away, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid, but keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart, dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard, let me dry your eyes, dry your eyes

Don’t turn turn away
Let me dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid, but keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart, let me dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the Belle of the Boulevard

Acceptance

I’ve always been a person who takes a harder time to let go of things. I cling onto anything with memories and refuse to let go until I’m left with no choice. It’s been a year since the day I confirmed my retaining in year one and I really don’t know how to go about feeling about it. :/
Because right now, almost all my friends in jc are celebrating the end of their As and doing all the cool stuffs!
–when I know clearly that :
I could have been like them right now,
IF I HAD WORKED HARDER.
I could be right now
-celebrating with my friends, drinking away and talking.
-in a chalet spending fun BBQ nights together under the stars.
-dancing away at prom night.
-working part time of a job that I love. ( most probably relates to animals )
-taking driving lessons.
-giving tuition.
-earning my first pay.
-planning to get my first personal laptop.
And so, so many more.
The could haves, the would have beens.
And YES. I admit that I do feel a least bit jealous. Seeing all the photos and all….really makes me regret.
BUTTT. At the same time, I am still happy for all my jc friends! You all deserved it!

I know that I should be glad and happy that I was given a extra chance to redo my first year cos my foundation would be better, but I think that’s cancelled out by all the expectations set upon us group of retainees. Failure is absolutely not allowed from any of us now, we should be by right be at the cream of the crop next year ahead from the rest who did not retain etc. Hearing such things over and over again gets me feeling teary after a while. The feeling sucks. And each time when the results come out, my whole being will be anxious about being the top, but to crumble down knowing that I’m not even close to that.

And why am I even typing all of this shit out? Its my way of letting out my feelings. I don’t even know why I’m feeling jealous of other people in the first place when I have no right to, cos I just didn’t make the cut at the right time. Maybe it’s because I miss the feeling of being together as a cohort. Even though we don’t really get along but the feel of familiarity is there. Sigh.

I shouldn’t think so much anymore.
Cos I know who’s to blame.
Nobody, nobody but me!

Omg, can’t believe I came out with such a lame thing. -.-

I shall move on (try to). For one last time.

Why?

They say that house owners with newly renovated houses are usually one of the happiest people when they enter their new house.
But why don’t I feel any happiness?
Before, during and after renovations?
Arguments, tears, fights?
Isn’t renovations supposed to be a happy thing?

I don’t feel any happiness as I’m lying in this house now.
It feels wierd. Too new. Too strange to me. It doesn’t feel like the same house that I spent all my memories in anymore.

I just don’t know what to feel right now.

We are

…the generation that has to solve all this crap.
…the generation that has to rise up.
…the generation that has to make big changes.
…the generation that has to prove everyone wrong.

Irritated.

Just what’s wrong with phone models nowadays? They seem to gradually deteriorate FASTER and FASTER over time. Think it’s some sick idea of making products that have shorter ‘life span’ so as to create more demand for more new products. Really pissed about either my stupid passed on samsung phone or my service provider’s poor and sucky reception. I’ve never experienced worse reception in so far all these years. Although I’m not that old, but ask around pjay students and you’ll know what it means by it SUCKS. I mean, even teachers have trouble with it too? Irritating seriously. Talking about reception, think there’s some wierd thing going on at IMM, certain storeys have NO reception at all! Imagine what would happen if one were to have a personal emergency? \(._.)/
Okay, maybe it may be my phone that’s deteriorating due to age. But still, the reception isnt any better. Last year, my Sony erricson phone’s buttons all started to fall out after one week! -.- I’ve hated phones with buttons since then.
I seriously can’t wait to change my phone AND service provider. It has caused misunderstandings already!

What? I blacked out?

Blacked out just now and left lamp hanging over head on. Like really blacked out. No memory no nothing. Eyes feeling super dry now. :C

It’s less than one week to the run!
I think I’m so screwed.
*writes gym on checklist for later*
A lil bit last minute, but no harm trying eh? ><

TIME TO CONTINUE WORKING ON MY HUGE HOMEWORK MOUNTAIN TOO. :S

Wonder just how much more things I should know about you by now…
*will treasure the photos…*

-continues struggling to sleep a bit more-

Urh. Forget it! It's 5.55am -.-

Home.

How I wish I could just break down,
To just be in my own little world.
How I wish I had special eyelids,
To prevent these tears from falling.
How I wish, how I wish,
That I have no emotion right now.
Tired.